Plan… do I need one?

“So Lana, what are your plans for the future? Are you going to stay in NZ? Do you want to return home at all? Any ideas when are you going to finish your uni? Do you see yourself working as a lawyer one day or are you going to work as a waitress for the rest of your life? Why did you spend so much time in school after all? (My granny’s favourite question… 🙂 ) Do you think that surfing is all that this life has to offer?” Don’t let me even started with marriage and kids questions…

I hate such questions. What do I want in my life? What are my plans? Where do I see myself in couple of years? The truth is that I have no f****** idea. I don’t know the answer and I have no clue where even to start looking for one…

I’ve been in Raglan for past 6 months. I have spent an amazing summer here, feeling as my dreams have finally come true. I have a nice flat and a great roomie, I have fun (although making me somehow retarded…) jobs providing me enough money to live a good life here, I have many friends, which I know I can rely on, and I surf. I fall asleep with the sound of breaking waves and this same sound is the first thing I hear when I open my eyes the next morning. I surf whenever I feel like and I don’t feel bad if I don’t paddle out for couple of days in a row. I spend most of my time outside, breathing fresh air, feeling free. I live in the moment. I’m happy!

Of course there are days when I don’t feel good. I’m grumpy and sad, I miss my home, my family (including our fat cat) and my friends. There are moments when all I wish is to go home, to hide in my mom’s hug, to laugh with my dad, to fight with my sister (oh yeah, sometimes I miss that too 🙂 ), to annoy the fat cat and to have my Friday pancakes with my granny. Not to mention the time with my friends! But then I think a bit further… What else will I do back home? I love my city and my country, but living there is heaps less fun than returning there every now and then. Nothing changes, everything stays the same, noone has ever any time, everyone is busy, it is so difficult to catch up with people, we work, we have different hobbies, we have different duties, we don’t take time for each other, sometimes not even for ourselves, we let life passing by. As much as I enjoy living in Ljubljana, I always dream of something else when I’m there. When will I go on my next surftrip? When am I going to travel again? Where do I want to go? Will I be able to save up enough money for my dreams to come through? In Ljubljana I do not live in the moment, I am rarley “present”, my thoughts are always somewhere else and because of that I feel as I am in a constant “fight” for my happiness.

Yes, I am scared of returning home. On one hand… On the other hand I might change my mind in few months time. Maybe the winter will be tough, maybe I will get bored, maybe I won’t enjoy surfing in cold water and heavy weather conditions, maybe I will lose my job, maybe I will get fed up with working in a restaurant, I might wish to get my old job back, I might need some bigger challenges in my life, I might miss my home, or simply, my visa will expire and I will have to leave NZ? I don’t know. That is why I cannot answer the questions mentioned mentioned at the beginning. Not yet. All I can do at this moment is to enjoy my life, here and now, and trust in the future 🙂

 

6 thoughts on “Plan… do I need one?

  1. Lana sem s tabo… bravo za pogum in da si se odločila in šla svojo pot… jest podobno razmišljam, vendar nič kaj dosti ne naredim … res je, tudi jaz v Lj težko živim tukaj in zdaj, kajti več ali manj razmišlajm kako bi kam šla in kaj bi vse še rada videla… ta želja je tako velika, da včasih pomislim, da bi vse skupaj pustila in šla… pa mi potem razum reče obratno… borimo se borimo se tako je življenje… pomembno pa je, da živimo tukaj in zdaj… pa kjerkoli že na tem našem čudovitem planetu. Lepo si napisala tvoje misli…

    papa*

    Jasmina

  2. Lanči,

    wow..kot bi mi brala misli. Jaz te 100 % podpiram in razumem!! 🙂 Uživaj vsak dan posebej, ko ti tam ne bo več zanimivo pa, saj veš: poleg enosmernih, so v prodaji tudi dvosmerne SLO-NZ karte 😉 Kadarkoli lahko prideš nazaj domov…življenje v SLO te bo počakalo, do kadar boš želela. Vseeno pa se v nečem ne strinjam s tabo; jaz namreč mislim, da imaš nek plan in to zelo dober plan: biti srečna! 😀 Zdaj pa samo globoko vdihni tisti NZ zrak in pojdi lovit valove (še zame kakšnega)..

    papa,
    Heli

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