Pursuit of happiness

Maybe I haven’t tried hard enough or maybe I haven’t given it enough time, but I just don’t like living in Auckland. The city does have its moments and there is heaps of gorgeous places but I guess my timing was not right. Maybe under different circumstances I would fall in love with it, I would feel the chemistry between me and the city, my heart would open to it and give it a chance, but not just yet.

I felt lonely. All I did was work, run and count down days for the weekend to come. And when it came I was already sad because I knew it will pass by so fast and I will be lonely again. I missed Wes and I missed my friends in Raglan, I missed town and I was jealous of everyone who could enjoy it, just because I couldn’t. I was crying every single Sunday night when I had to leave Raglan. My behaviour was irrational, I wanted everything to happen in the two days I was in Raglan and I wanted Wes to give me all his attention. And my hair lost highlights made by gentle touch of the sun and the ocean (uuu poetic 🙂 ).  I hated myself. I just wasn’t happy.

It came so far that I asked myself what’s the point in all this? Is the job really worth all this? No, not at this stage. I love it and I think I’m good at it and that I will get even better, I’m willing to try and to learn, but no…What am I gonna do? Going back in the cafe? Looking for another job? I don’t know and I’ll deal with this later. First I have to talk to my boss (to all three of them actually 🙂 ).

And I did. I told them that I’m not happy and that I don’t like that. That I prefer being happy. I enjoy enjoying my life. I prefer laughing to crying. Just as I prefer sun to rain, summer to winter, morning to evening, chocolate to everything else. I told them that I am sorry to feel this way, that I am sorry because I promised that I will make it work but somehow I cannot keep my promise. Not this time. And that I completely understand if they don’t want me there anymore. After all I did disappoint them. But (oh yeah, there’s always a but) I do have a solution! I know I can do this from Raglan and I can do it even better!

‘Oh wow… You’ve been with us not even two months. Before we employed you, you said how fed up you were with Raglan, how you were ready for changes and challenges and how you’re looking forward to explore Auckland.’ ‘I know… I did… And I tried… But…’ ‘We like your work, we don’t want to lose you, we want you to be happy and if you think you can make it work from Raglan, then do it!’ ‘Am… a… hu-hm-u…aaaaa, excuse me? I can go back to Raglan? Is this for real? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, thank youuuuuuuuuuu, if you weren’t my bosses and if there was not that many of you I would hug you right now!’

I instantly felt happy again! Funny 🙂 .  I had no idea how will I do this. I need a place to work. I need a decent computer. I need a phone and a phone line. I need a desk, a chair, a lamp and a ficus tree. I need a place in Auckland as well (I still spend about two days a week in Auckland office) and there is no way that I can afford double rent. But hey, I have an option!

Two months later… I am back in Raglan. I have a beautiful office almost on a deck. I have an office mate who I hardly ever see (but when I see him he beats me at table tennis anyway…). I have a friend working next door. And I have a boyfriend working 2 minutes away from me. And I have waves. I work longer hours, just because I can justify a bit longer lunch break every now and then when the beach is pumping. I concentrate easier just because I have no distractions in my office (luckily I don’t have a view of the ocean 🙂 ). And I perform better, just because I am really motivated to make this work. And today I had my best lunch break ever – just a short surf session, but with Anne and Wes (and no crowds) and perfect lefts 🙂 . I’m happy again!

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