When one door closes, another opens

Or so they say…

The beginning of the year has been rather rocky. February started with the first company meeting of the year and the news we received were… good? bad? scary? shocking? exciting? I cannot quite decide how I felt. The boss decided to reorganise the company and to introduce the new way we work. I didn’t know what that means but there was a good chance for me to lose the job. Certainly I won’t be able to work from home anymore. I will need to go back to Auckland. And there is no way I am going back!

The following few weeks I was an emotional wreck. I just couldn’t figure out what I want. One minute I decided to try to keep my job, even if this means moving to Auckland. The next minute I decided that I’m gonna stay in Raglan and find a new job. A minute later I decided that this was not such a good idea and that I should go to Auckland. The next minute I was scared to go to Auckland. At one moment me and Wes decided to flag everything and go to Wellington. That was before the (surf) session. After we agreed that we belong to Raglan. And so on and on. Power, joy, tears, fear, excitement, lough, more tears, happiness, sadness, optimism, tears. I felt everything. And felt lost as never before.

“Lana, have you made up your mind yet? We need to know your decision.” asked my boss. “Hm, I think I did. I will reapply for the job, but I will go for the higher position only. I know my chances are slim, but if I have to move back to Auckland, I want something in return. I don’t want to be doing the same role, I want something more.”

I had an interview last Monday. At my own job, with my own bosses. I didn’t know what to expect – what can they possibly ask me, they probably know me, my strengths and weaknesses, better than I do? The interview was intense, as my colleague warned me just minutes before. What does that mean? Is he serious? Oh yeah, he was damn serious! After an hour of me talking and talking we finished only the first page of questions. And there were at least three more. My two bosses wrote down every single word I said. At one moment I felt pretty confident, the next moment I was asking myself how do I manage to produce so much bullshit. The time ran up. Oh, we haven’t made it through all the questions. Ah well, you certainly talk a lot!

As I walked out of the “interrogation” room, I instantly felt better. It was over and I have done my best. I had no idea what to expect. I knew the competition was pretty hard (re-applying for the same job you’ve been doing for the past year necessarily means that you know your “competition”, your colleagues pretty well). One way I was hoping to get the job, but the other way I was scared of it. I have never done things like that and I will need to move to Auckland pretty much instantly. On one hand I was hoping not to get it, as it will mean a little bit of holidays. And I love being on holidays! But again, there was a fear of not finding the new job or starting somewhere from the beginning again. Well, this could be exciting. But then, the new position at my current job would be exciting as well.

The next morning my bosses called me. My heart started racing. “Lana, we would like to inform you that you have passed the interview successfully and that we would like to offer you the position you had applied for.” “Would you?? Seriously?? Have you maybe fallen on your head? Just maybe? But wow, that is great news! I guess. Thank youuuuuuu!” What has just happened? Have I just got promoted? Hell yeah!

I am stoked. Super happy, super excited. I am also scared as hell. What have I put my self into?? Well, if I don’t try, I won’t know…

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. (John F. Kennedy)

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